coming back to the heart of worship...

Carissa is 5 weeks old as of yesterday. We are adjusting well. The doctor put her on medicine for reflux, and things have started to improve. I'm working on a schedule with her this week. I prefer the Babywise method, but I am flexible to my babies needs. ;) (is that an oxymoron babywise and flexible) So far so good! Her feeding times are 8, 11, 2, 5, 8 and then bedtime. She is sleeping about 6 hours in one stretch of the night. Well that's the update on Carissa.

The others are adjusting well to their sister. We've never really experienced jealousy issues with any of our children when we bring home a newborn. (I guess it normally comes later for us) I've tried to get back on a school schedule, but again I've been flexible with that. I bought the boys a workbook to work through. This has been easier for us to do right now. Taylor is having some major math marathons with daddy. Tabitha has changed so much since bringing Carissa home and since she turned 2!

Our biggest challenge has been...ummmm... let me sum it up in one word....discipline. That's right my everyday challenge. Discipline with my little ones, discipline in my quiet time, discipline with chores... I have been convicted, and I have tried and I fail. I could make up excuses, right? Most of you would say they're good excuses. I'm up at night with a newborn so I am lacking sleep. 4 of my kids are under 5 so there is some exhaustion that goes with that. The clothes and dishes out number my hands and that's a reality.

Well God has called me to a task that's much larger than me. I am right I fail, I can't do it. So what is the answer to my problem? Probably something you wouldn't expect me to say... worship. My heart has not been worshiping correctly. The first discipline I need God to help me with is quiet time. I had an opportunity to have a wonderful quiet time Sunday morning. (one of the craziest days for me as a pastors wife.) Thanks to Stephanie, a good friend, she has been coming over to help on Sunday mornings. Once she took the oldest 4 to church, I had an awesome time in prayer and the word. I really felt, for the first time in a while, that God was right there. So what was so different? Was it God? No, it was my heart and my desire to worship Him. I confessed to Him my sins, struggles, and failures. I praised Him for what He was doing in my life. I prayed for many people. It was AWESOME! I then read His word and this is one part of the scripture that jumped off the page to me: (remember I was getting ready to go worship with the church)

Ecclesiastes 5:1-3
¹^A)">Guard your steps as you go to the house of God and draw near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools; for they do not know they are doing evil.

²Do not be hasty in word or impulsive in thought to bring up a matter in the presence of God For God is in heaven and you are on the earth; therefore let your words be few.

³For the dream comes through much effort and the voice of a ^E)"> fool through many words.

During the worship service we sang, "I'm coming back to the heart of worship." I love this song, but to me that day it was something different. That was the answer to my problem. It had not been all about Him. It had been all about me. My heart is truly rejoicing, because once again the simple but often forgotten truth... Deut. 6:13 "You shall fear only the Lord your God; and you shall worship Him and swear by His name."

In John 15, Jesus speaks of the vine and the branches. Many things have spoken to me in this verse such as abiding in Him, abiding in His love, and lastly vs. 11 brings me much comfort "These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full."

Well I wrote this post not to boast, but to remind you of the goodness and faithfulness of the Lord. I know many of you are like me stay at home moms, or you have children and a husband to serve, you are tired. Well I hope there is some encouragement here and a gentle reminder to return to the Lord with all your heart with fasting, weeping, and mourning; rend your heart and not your garments. Return to Him because He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in lovingkindness and relenting of evil. (Joel 2:12-13)