Other big news, and an even bigger God...

We found out my mom has breast cancer on Wednesday, June 3. By Friday, June 5 Martie and I made the decision that I would quit directing our homeschool community, Classical Conversations. Our family has been involved with CC for going on 9 years and I've directed most of those years. This was a very difficult decision for us. I want to be available to care and serve my mom in this next year. The only way I can be available to my family and my mom is to cut out any extra activities. I talked with my area manager on Saturday and told her our decision. Although sad, she was extremely supportive.

On Sunday, June 7 Martie confessed that he's had something going on physically. A strange tingling sensation that started in his neck and traveled around to his right side of the head and face. Along with the tingling, he was also experiencing some numbing. With the recent loss of a friend from a stroke, I was concerned. He agreed to go to the doctor the next day.

Monday, June 8, I sent the email to our community. I let them know of our decision to leave CC. Martie and I then headed to his doctor's appointment at 10:00 am. The doctor did his full exam and then ordered an MRI. Martie then took me to my mom's house so I could attend her doctor's appointment at 1:00. Fortunately, my in laws watched our children all day.

The next day, I took Martie to get his MRI. That was non eventful, just a long day sitting in Duke Regional's Outpatient Services. The day after that, on Wednesday I took my mother back to the exact place to get two different tests. We then went shopping for a wig. By Wednesday night, I was exhausted.

Thursday was wonderful and refreshing! Some sweet friends from church took our children for the day. I dropped them off at 10 in the morning. They played with Lego's, dress up clothes, went to the pool, and ate dinner. I was able to have breakfast with my husband, get caught up on house work, and even rest a bit. Martie and I picked them up at 6:00 pm.

Friday, Martie and I headed back to the doctor to follow up. His numbness had spread and now covered his body. He had not lost any balance, his speech was fine, and he still had strength. The MRI was clear, and the doctor was/is stumped. He then gave us a referral to a neurologist.

That same day, I received a phone call. After I sent our CC community the email that we would not be returning, several families got together and raised enough money to pay for my children to still be enrolled in the program! Although I would not be directing, we will still be with the people that encourage us each week. My children's lives will not be disrupted, as much, from all the change. This is a huge blessing!

I say all this to give you a glimpse into what's been going on in our lives. I ask you to continue to pray for us. Life is hard right now, but God is better! He has given us multiple friends and family who have stepped up, watched our children, text us, prayed for us... He has provided for us. I'm reminded of Proverbs 16:9 "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Before we officially quit CC, I remember crying out to the Lord, "Show me... Direct me... Tell me...." I wanted direction, clear direction. He never spoke audibly, but I knew He wanted me to trust Him. In the end, I fearfully obeyed, He provided. He established our steps.

We still don't know what's going on with Martie. He's still having the numbness, it's not constant, but it's coming and going. We'll see the neurologist next month, unless something changes.

My mom chose a treatment plan. She'll start chemo. next  Monday. It will be a 4 drug cocktail to fight this aggressive Her2 positive cancer. My brother an his family will be here, and I'm excited to see them.

This has been a much better week. We only have one day of appointments. I've been able to catch up on housework and just be home with my kiddos. I can truly feel the prayers of many. God's grace is sustaining us. Thank you to everyone who has prayed, served, given...

Psalm 16

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
2 I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
    I have no good apart from you.”

3 As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
    in whom is all my delight.

4 The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
    their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
    or take their names on my lips.

5 The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
    you hold my lot.
6 The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
    indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

7 I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;
    in the night also my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the Lord always before me;
    because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
    my flesh also dwells secure.
10 For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
    or let your holy one see corruption.

11 You make known to me the path of life;
    in your presence there is fullness of joy;
    at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

3 dreaded words...

It is cancer.

Silence.

Gulp.

Breathe

Grab your notebook and pen, listen, write down everything he is saying.

This happened Wednesday, June 3. Exactly. I sat in a tiny room, more like a closet, with my sister, my mom, her fiance, a doctor, and a nurse. After those words, it was pretty much a blur. I remember scribbling all the big words, we asked for the pathology report, and tried to hold back the tears. Within a few minutes, we had the news. Mom has Invasive Adenocarcinoma (Ductal), breast cancer.

This is not the club I wanted to join.

We've been here before...both my grandmothers, both Martie's grandmothers...

But not with our own parents. We're too young. Our parents are too young.

Nonetheless, this is our new reality. It's been almost 2 weeks since the diagnosis. It's becoming more real. After sitting through multiple doctors appointments and numerous tests, our life has been forever changed.

To lessen the heartbreak would be injustice. To pretend that I was not afraid would be a lie. I was broken. I am scared. I've fallen to my knees, literally, numerous times.

Why???

I do believe strongly that God does not like disease. He doesn't like sickness, hunger, war, or DEATH!

This is not the way He designed it. It is good for us to grieve these bad things. However, the Bible tells us He will use "ALL things for the good of those who love and who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 

I also know that  we are to "Count it all joy when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." James 1:2-3

I'm reminded in Romans 12:12 to "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."

This cancer has changed things, no doubt. BUT, it has caused me to pray more, love Him more, and trust Him more. He is God, He is all powerful, He is sovereign. There is no other! I will praise Him. Each morning I will command my soul to bless the Lord, even when my body doesn't feel like it.

Jesus, loved us so much that while we were sinners, Christ came and died for us. Therefore it is my pleasure, as His daughter, to be an imitator of God, "And walk in love, and as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us." Ephesians 5:1-2

We will get through this, for sure. The goal now is to bring Him most glory through it all.